Wiating . . .

Luvlu... We are going to complete 3 years this September... D day i saw you I started loving you because I coudnt control all my feelings and emotions for such a nice person sitting infront of me... But I have always been asking you Jaan did you have any past relationship???Just cant recollect how many times I have asked you.. but yeah i clearly remember evrytym i asked you dis stupid question I got d same answer from you... "Gelu I had only one crush that is Reema mohanty" and i believed my love(Cos you bear all my tantrums so cooly ;) :P)...Because i love you more than anything existing in this world..And nothing in this world can stop me from loving you...Be it Reema Mohanty's story or be it Minakshi Pradhan...

Yes Luvlu i mean it "Minakshi Pradhan"...I dont know why you didnt feel like telling me anything about her...I mean if you really had a relationship with her...Because i have read all your recent conversations with her in ur sidhartha.bishoi@gmail ID.I have read u saying her beautiful,darling,Jaan...If you really dint have any relation with her then why you were talking so dirty to her..I mean saying a girl is beautiful is never s sin but so far i know you u wont say any girl such words until and unless you are too too and too close to her...I have read all ur conversations wid her Jaanu...

Last nite was really horrible for me...i couldnt sleep easily even if i talked to you till 3:46 AM.Because again and again the same question was hammering me, killing my soul from inside..

I mean its not like i will stop loving you once you accept this truth...Because I love you since the day i saw you(1st Sept,2007).And i dont bother abt ur past..Hw u were or wat u were dont really affect me...But still when i asked you d same u ignored as if you dont kno..And that made me even scared... and even doubtful...Anyways we are going to be one soul soon...But still as ur wife dont i carry dis much of rights to know ur past....Had you accepted the truth last nite Luvlu when i asked you , janu really from the inner most core of my heart,respect for you would have been increased 10 times...Still I respect you and hope somday u'll accept that truth about Minakshi Pradhan and tell me everything about her...That day i would be the luckiest girl in this world to have the most angelic husband in this earth Janu...I am really really really waiting to hear from you though I wont ask you about it again...Cos I have faith on you and I know hw it hurts wen you ask people about a thing which dey avoid and and dont wanna share...Still I am waiting...to hear the truth from you...

U lied...I nvr lied you luvlu...U are my first and only Love...And wen i ws into relationship with you I had in my mindset to make you clear everything abt me,my family and my frnd circle...I wanted everything to be crystal clear between you and me...And i expected the same from you too...Cos our relationship ws totally different and we started from a totally unique point of contact...

You know i am really upset with ur mood swings..But you always do the same...You know wenever i send a message(101 messages from my side so far) to you I always expect a reply frm you... And i have been dying since ages to receive a message from you...Cos it makes me smile and happy and it makes me feel as if u r feeling d same as me...But you never reply...nor do you send me a message to surprise me and make me happy...But i'll always wait to get a lovely message from ur end...And that day even sky wont be the limit of my happiness...Sometimes i am amazed @ ur feelings...But d next moment you you behave like an angel to me...

People say i am lucky dat i am gonna marry d persom whom i love and like...N yes i too agree that i am Lucky in that aspect in that aspect...But if you look @ the other side of my life...Den do you really feel Luvlu dat i am lucky???

No dont feel so..I dont have a good Job, i dont get handsom and attractive salary...Leave it @lyst i have a job...People dont hav dat much also...Bt i am afraid the technology I am working,will it be helping me in future???Purbasha,Amrita,Rojalin all seem to be unlucky in their Love life...But if you look at the other side of their life, dont u thnk they are luckier than me...Leave it som1 cant be lucky from in all aspect of life...and How can i expect d same????

Luvlu u always feel i cant understand the pain u r bearing in Mumbai wid the life you are living there...But believe me Luvlu each morning i wake up and pray to God to make ur day wonderful one without any problem...Oh yeah how can you know what i ampraying for you!!!!I am such a fool....

Love You Janu...

Miss You.....

Waiting . . .

How Beautiful it was(9th April 2010 -3rd May 2010)

24 days n 1/2....I mean days are never counted in fractions...But wen u were wid me after such a long tym,, i was counting every fraction of seconds spent wid you...Unfortunately we could not spend 4 days in between...But for all the time you were wid me i felt dis dusty Bhubaneswar too beautiful like heaven... :)..Now dont ask if i've ever seen heaven or not ... hee hee hee

I was longing to meet you personally...N wen i saw i cudnt control my excitement...Out of overwhelming happiness i forgot about the world aroung watching us n I gave you a huge HUG...Honestly Luvlu I dint feel shy...N hw can i forget 24th april... My God..I cud see the true love behind ur innocent eyes..N that speaks a lot Luvlu...

where do i stand in ur life???

Do I really stand newhr near to ur sophisticated life???If so den y do u try hiding thngs frm me?Am I dat bad dat u dint feel like sharing thngs wid me.. rather u cald Pralipta to share ur problms!!!If u still feel like m a kid..den lemme remind u dat it ws all ur decision dat u selected me to marry..N den it ws my pleasure always to accept ur proposal...Rather it ws my honour...

I still hav dat same question evn aftr 2 n 1/2 years f relation y do you always hesitate to share things wid me wen i feel u r d only 1 wid whom i cn share my everythng...Wen i cant keep my mouth shut widout sayin u my daily events bt den wen i ask u abt urs u try 2 skip dat part n avoid answering..Rather somtimes u get irritated by my calls...Wen my intensions r nt 2 disturb u at all rather i juss wanna keep a chk on ur whrabouts,u thk my calls r only 2 disturb u...believe me @ d very moment wen i get a nvr expected response frm u i feel frustrated n decide to keep my problms up2 me...If u dont feel like sharing thngs wid me den y shud I???

Neways I wud always pray God to keep u out f worries n anxieties....May u always remain problm free..Dont kno wen u'll realise dat m also a part f u...

Now I want a surprise...

Every1 says m lucky dat everything s settled here n i dont hav 2 bother abt nething...Bt y dont people understand dat dey r lucky dat dey get things watever n wenever dey want wich i nvr get...Yes m lucky dat no1 has complains abt my decisions...

Now u started a topic n asked me to keep it secret...Suddenly i ws excited 2 kno n thought may b m goin 2 hear dat long long awaited good news from you...So my expectations raised n d more u were asking me to keep it secret d more i ws getting sure dat yess it cud b dat gud news u r gonna say me....Bt at last dat also became wrong...

But now its nough f waiting...Day by day m getting impatient...God is there ne end???

Will u b evr back to me???If evr u'll b back den will I b alive dere 2 c u again???

If accepting u late ws my fault, den God dey say every mistake hs an excuse if u promise dat u r nt gonna do it again...N i've promised for dat long long long ago...If waiting is a punishment givn 2 me for my fault den i wud say I feel it it s evn harder dan death...bcos death s just an instance f tym whereas waiting here s a period f tym...Dey say dey'll wait for their loved ones for life long...Me says if life s only meant for waiting den where does the real essence f life lies???May b m stubborn bt I want my loved 1 here now only...I want 2 spend n njoy every moment f my life with U...

Solitude: a sweet absence of looks...

When everyone leaves you it’s loneliness you feel, when you leave everyone else it’s solitude

Now its complete lonliness here which has silently rushed into life...U were nvr here...N nw all my frns hav also left..Pooh,whom i nvr wanted 2 go too far away frm me hs already left long back...n now Sradha hs left 4 Pune yesterday n Rupa too hs left 4 Bangalore 2day...All hv found dere own way f living life...bt m here...

Just a few days back i found som real good frns Swathi n Arjun...N i found dem too good...I found a bit f Pooh inside Swathi...Bt b4 we cud spend some real good times God deprived me of doin dat too..B4 I started havin som dreams abt our frnshp...dey were back to Bangalore...I really wished I could atlyst meet dem b4 dey go back...Bt God I cudnt...Bt nehw I'll meet dem again...Cos out f all training mates I like Swathi,Dinesh n Arjun...Cos dey are really frns in need...Hope u'll help me...

Now wen I think of sharing my thoughts even...I find no1 otherdan solitude which madens me every now n den...God I feel like dying dere bt Ohh nohhh I've 2 relive my life again n again just 4 U...I really wanna C u...

You say I shudnt cry bcos back @ hom I've Mama n Baba 2 look aftr me...Bt U nvr understand dat U r nt here...Soul says no1 otherdan U can hear it wen it cries...Yes I hate wen u console me saying "dont cry,cos U r wid ur Mama n Baba"...It really weally irritates me...Hw cant u understand every1 hv their own importance!!!Oh God I feel like only m missing U not U...

I kno m bad...M nt into a good place...M ugly...M fat...Bt m I dat bad dat U dont wanna com back 2 me!!!Hav U ever thought f coming back seriously???God y dont u make me impressive dat he comes back...Ohk leave it..Hav u evr thought f Maa n Bapa???Do U kno hw much dey r seeking 4 U???Yes Dear...every1 here s hoping U 2 com back...

I kno though its abt 2 complete 2 yrs n 5 months f our relationship...Bt Baba nvr talked 2 U frm his side...I kno U feel bad abt it...Mama wants 2 talk 2 U bt its all matter f time n medium f communication...Baba s nt dat open like Bapa n Maa...Baba s a bit conservative...Somtyms evn i feel scared God wat perception U have abt dem...Bt tym will say U dat dey like U d most...Yes dey like you though dey dont discuss abt U infront f me much...Neways me too waiting for rite tym....U kno dey r equally worried about U...Mama asks me about U always...

Its hurts me more wen ne1 asks me "Wenis He comming???"...I try 2 make myself busy in other craps...Bt everytym som1 or other keeps on asking me d same qns...N @ dat very moment I feel like teased by tym n universe again n again...N m tired off answering dat qns...I've now decided 2 keep quite on dat qns...Cos I hav lost all my hopes...Evn I dont trust tym now...Cos everytym m tryin 2 stand on d Sun it starts teasing me ...U hav no answer so U r a fool...Yesss m fooled...n my everyday is same as the day passed...Nothing new..,N its gonna b worst d very next day...

Ohh God gimme more strength to stand on all dose upcoming even worse situation...

Oh my soul...

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

...I heard it again n again.. Dont kno y.. bt it touched my heart..n i felt as if each n every moment f my past rolling infront f me..n i had no way other dan watching it silently wid a smile on face..oh my god i dint notice bt for a while i ws crying..Crying not bcos it is gone..bt thinking f all dose good things happened to me only bcos f u..hw wud life hav been widout y dear...I lifted up my spirits everytym wen i ws down...Ur words will always b boosting me up...

Its all bcos f u my dear...

Chocolate Day...

Yess I miss you n i missed you even more today wen i ws craving for a chocolate from u bt i dint get 1...Yeah i kno its silly n stupid.. bt i felt like dat...

I hav taken it for granted dat as m born on Saturday...So i wont get ne thing simply as i wish...n u being d most precious gift God hs gifted me..How com i cud expect u 2 b wid me so soon!!!I have 2 wait n yes i'll wait till death.Bt 1nce u com i'll pray death 2 go far away frm me cos den i wud struggle wid tym 2 stop dere...N i'll njoy every bit f u...Bt i dont wanna de b4 dat...

I cant stand dis "Extreme Of Isolation" nemore...N i really need som good tym...Oh God do i really deserve nething good???

Waiting for a chocolate same day next year...